Finding creativity

I’ve been trying new arts and craftsy stuff for years.  I want a hobby that I can be good at that makes cool stuff. I didn’t find anything that stuck until late last year. I took a weaving class. I love it. And I make stuff *I* really like.   It fits the bill of a true creative outlet too – I don’t care what other people think and I just want to do this all the time with new fibers and new methods.  It makes me happy.  And it changes how I see the world.  So, you really are never too old.  

 

Inspiration 

A couple of years ago now I saw a story on Facebook or something about a photographer who posted photos of his young daughter playing innocently in various stages of dress. This photographer was being called a pedophile and all sorts of terrible things. This photographer was outraged that these beautiful shots of a happy spirited child being a child could ever be seen with a negative nefarious eye. I agreed with him completely. Suddenly I realized I knew him from high school! Wyatt Neumann! wow! So I reconnected with him via Facebook and other social media and was blown away by his talent and his heart and his life force. He absolutely fucking inspired me. To think. To be kind. To be real. Wyatt died last year of an anueurysm while riding his motorcycle on the open road. For someone I hadn’t seen in 25 years and only recently reconnected with – that hurt. His sister wrote this. It’s pretty great. What Remains: Lessons in Loss

Coincidence? Or Fate?

Inspired by a friends daily Instagram, I decided to start pulling a tarot card every now and then and using what it tells me for “guidance”.

After spending today, like many recent days, thinking about how to change my life for the better, I pulled The Hanged Man.  The Hanged Man! 

  

“This is the card of ultimate surrender, of being suspended in time and of martyrdom and sacrifice to the greater good. This is the archetype to meditate on to help break old patterns of behaviour and bad habits that restrict you” 

“The main lesson of the Hanged Man is that we “control” by letting go – we “win” by surrendering. The figure on Card 12 has made the ultimate surrender – to die on the cross of his own travails – yet he shines with the glory of divine understanding. He has sacrificed himself, but he emerges the victor. The Hanged Man also tells us that we can “move forward” by standing still. By suspending time, we can have all the time in the world.” 

“In terms of career path The Hanged Man may indicate volunteering or working for a not for profit” 

I’m not trying to be a martyr – I’m just looking for something more.  Pulling the Hanged Man tonight makes me think that the universe is behind this goal of deep change. 

The Future?

I’ve been struggling a lot with what the future will be lately.  I’m not facing any big decisions or changes – this is all on my own of my own thinking.

For a long time I’ve worked in ecommerce. I like it.  Some days I even love it.  I love working in technology in a space that means something to me.   (Meaning I’m a HUGE online shopper.  Sometimes to my own detriment)  I’ve loved being a part of such a fast changing world full of new and interesting problems.

Lately however, I’ve started having a bit of a mid life crisis.  I want to start making a bigger impact on the world around me.  I volunteer, I support issues, I vote.  But I really want to work on something important all day.

I fully recognize this is neither unique or unusual.

What’s next?  Can I make enough money? Am I too old?

One of my resolutions (ugh, I hate that word) is to spend real time thinking creatively about this question I can’t shake.   Every day I try to think of one idea of how I could use my skills as a product manager, marketer, tech lover to solve a problem around hunger and homelessness.  I haven’t hit on anything yet, but I’m trying.

Anyone else struggling with this?

 

 

I’m feeling resolution lost.

I really want to make some changes this year. I’m restless. I’m bored. It makes me depressed. I’m almost in that paradox of choice situation – I could do ANYTHING! – so what should I do?

Here’s what I WANT:

I want to have more impact at work. I want to mentor, I want to encourage I want to INSPIRE. How do I get there?

I want to have more impact in the world. Yes, I volunteer. Yes, I feel good about that. Where are my talents and passion best used? Is volunteering enough or do I need to go out there and risk everything to make change? How do I decide?

Can I combine those things? But I’m so comfortable! Comfortable is deadly isn’t it?

I guess I need to feel useful and helpful to be happy. That’s what I’ve decided.

I’m just in a rut and I need something to jolt me out of it.

Anyone have any ideas?

Rest In Peace, Space Oddity

I can’t believe David Bowie is gone. I think I always thought he was immortal somehow.

Who didn’t have a Bowie phase? A hair up, painted face, I’m okay alone because I was made this way, am I an alien or something more Bowie phase? I’m sure there’s as many people who did as who didn’t. If you didn’t, you missed something strange and beautiful.

I’ve been listening to Blackstar since it was released. Hearing Michael C. Hall sing Lazarus on late night a few weeks ago intrigued me. I was thrilled to have the whole album drop. Lazarus takes on a whole new meaning today.

Good night Mr. Bowie.

5 bad office habits to break – this is a great list

https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-bad-habits-that-are-holding-you-back-in-the-officeand-how-to-put-an-end-to-them

I love The Muse. I find their content to be perfect about 98% of the time.

This one really resonated with me. I pasted it to my Evernote “Things to do” list and to my Pocket account.

1. Saying Sorry When You’re Not
I’m a woman. I say “sorry” alot. It’s annoying and I hate it but it’s true. This is one of my top things to change this year.

2. Being a Conversation Hog
I reeeallly try not to do this, but I have a problem with silence. I can’t let it sit. I just can’t. I need to. Another thing to work on this year.

3. Setting Up Meetings for No Reason
This is one I’ve already been working on for years. MEETINGS! GAH!

4. Being a “Model of Efficiency”
I make myself take breaks now. I take walks outside, or around the office. I spend the few minutes to catch up after meetings. It makes life so much more pleasant.

5. Venting Without Action
Now this one. This one is hard. I’m a venter. Always have been. I need to talk it out or I blow up. But now I’m going to take one small action for everything that I want to vent about. I’ll have a chat, send an email, try to fix it.

Oh January, I hope I’m as good about these things in June.

Is 2016 the year I get my blog together?

I know. I say this every year. But THIS YEAR, THIS YEAR I swear I’m going to get back to trying to write something about something every day.

It’s partially to get my writing skills back.
It’s partially for my sanity – I need to get stuff out of my head.
It’s partially so I stop arguing with idiots on Facebook.

Mostly it’s because I need to stretch a bit and this seems like a good place to do it.

Maybe this will be the first and last post of the year.
Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll get my **it together. Just once.